


Keeping You Safe

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Buckley’s Almost Didn’t Begin [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24474589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, Evan.”“I-I don’t feel very s-safe right now, Mads…”At sixteen years old, Maddie will do anything to protect her eleven year old brother - even if it means hurting him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley
Series: Buckley’s Almost Didn’t Begin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768867
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67
Collections: The Buckley Siblings One Shots





	Keeping You Safe

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this one-shot contains references to child abuse. Not in graphic detail and mostly implied, but please, please do not read if this is triggering for you.
> 
> Also mentions of suicidal thoughts/attempt, again, proceed with caution.

“Maddie! Slow down! Maddie! Stop! Please, Maddie!”

The terrified voice of her eleven-year-old brother should have been enough. The sound of his sobs echoing around the car should have forced her to put her foot on the brake. Instead, she pressed a little harder on the accelerator, her eyes completely focused on the road in front of them. She couldn’t look at her little brother, she couldn’t see the terror on his face in the knowledge, for once, she had been the one to put it there.

Maddie had spent his entire eleven years in the world promising she could protect them from the whirlwind that was the Buckley family. She had held the tiny baby in her arms when she was only five years old and had been surprised, even then, at how much she had fallen in love with him. She had grown up far too quickly, always making sure she was there for him when their parents couldn’t be – the older they got, the more often that had happened. She had to constantly remind herself and him that their parents were important, they _helped_ people who needed them. And because Evan had her, and she had him, they didn’t _need_ their parents.

At least, until, they really did need their parents.

She angrily wiped at the tears that fell down her face, “Maddie, I’m scared.” He was no longer shouting, his voice barely a whisper as his small hand moved over the hand that was tightly gripping onto the steering wheel.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, Evan.” It was the first time she had spoken since she had dragged him out of the house and practically thrown him into her car. Her voice was eerily void of any emotion, when she saw the bridge up ahead. It would be quick, she decided. He wouldn’t suffer, it was for the best. She couldn’t leave him behind and she couldn’t do it anymore.

“I-I don’t feel very s-safe right now, Mads…”

That hit her hard. They were almost at the bridge, and his last memory of her would be of her frightening him, his last feelings would be distress because of her.

They were almost at the bridge and for the first time since she had slammed the car door shut on the shaking boy and ran to the driver’s side, she dared herself to look at him. He still had an angry, red mark from where their uncle had slapped him, tears were streaming down his face and he was shaking. Because of her.

They were almost at the bridge when she quickly swerved, putting her foot on the brake for the first time since she had high tailed it away from their house. She was only sixteen, she didn’t even have her full license yet, she didn’t have enough experience to be speeding down the dark road in the first place. She barely knew it was happening until suddenly, the car flipped and she did the only thing she knew what to do – protect Evan. Her arm flew out, taking brunt of his air bag as the car landed roof side down. The last thing she heard was the sound of her brother screaming her name.

* * *

Evan looked up at his parents, watching as they paced up and down the hallway outside of his sister’s hospital room before his eyes moved back to the still unconscious teenager. Even at eleven, he was certain he understood what had been about to happen, he had seen the look in his big sisters’ eyes when his uncle’s hand had swung for his face, hard. He had watched as she got between the two, until she had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of their home. She had never hurt him before, but the finger shaped bruises around the top of his arm reminded him of the pain he had felt in that moment.

She was trying to protect him, even if she had no idea that she was already too late, the damage had already been done. Now it was his turn to protect her though, he had made the decision the moment he had opened his eyes to the bright lights of a hospital room five days previously. The lie had come easily, far too easily, but both the Buckley children had grown accustomed to hearing lies and lying to those around them. Maddie had been driving him to the hospital, he hadn’t been feeling very well and he was asking for his mommy (he tried not to think of the way neither of his parents questioned his lie, because they both knew he would never ask for either of them if he was sick) and of course, she worked there so she would know what to do. A deer had run into the road, Maddie had swerved, and they had crashed.

He knew if he told them the truth of what he thought his sister’s intentions had been that night, he’d lose her for good. No one questioned his version of events, because what reason would a child have to lie? Now he just needed her to wake up so he could fill her in on the story before she said something entirely different. They couldn’t take his sister away from him, she promised him she would never leave him.

When her eyes started to flutter open, he quickly looked back to make sure his parents weren’t looking as he stood up, grabbing her hand with his non-broken arm before he leaned down. Her brown eyes locked with his and he squeezed her hand as tightly as he possibly could, “You were driving me to the hospital to see mom, I wasn’t very well, a deer ran out.” His words were rushed and he was relieved when she nodded, her hand tightening around his. It was only a few seconds before his parents rushed in with their faux concern, and he was pushed away from her.

Once she was able to tell her side of the story and it matched his almost word-for-word, he was relieved. He had protected his sister, just as she had tried to protect him.

* * *

It was the overwhelming guilt she felt when she looked at her little brother from the moment her eyes had opened, beyond returning home from the hospital. It didn’t take long for things to go back to normal in the Buckley household – even when they were in the hospital, her parents would visit in fleeting moments, still focusing more on their respective jobs as two of the best doctors at the hospital than they did on the two children they had at home. The lecture had come, of course it had – how could she have been so stupid? How could she have been so reckless when they had lives to save? Actual lives that _needed_ saving from people who didn’t _ask_ to be sick. She wouldn’t have expected anything less.

They were home for a day after Maddie was released before they rushed back to the hospital – but that day had been one of her favourite days. There had been no lectures, no stern looks, the four of them had sat on the couch watching movies and eating take out pizza, Maddie had snuggled into her mother’s side as Evan relished in every bit of attention they were finally getting from their parents. These days were rare, she could probably count how often they happened on her fingers and Evan even less so. Their mother had spent her entire life working her way up from the bottom, making sure she was the best at everything she did – Evan had only turned four by the time she was promoted to Head of Pathology. And after that, Maddie and Evan had seen her less and less. Their dad had worked equally as hard to make it to Chief of Surgery, but he had never been around much. They were busy, they were important – they missed all the signs that something wasn’t quite right with either of their children.

It was only when things had settled down, and she and Evan moved back into their usual routine with a few difficulties (her broken collarbone and ribs alongside his broken arm made things harder than usual), that she found herself throwing out an apology one day. He was sitting on the kitchen counter, his legs hanging from the side, as he ate the piece of chocolate cake she had let him have before dinner (the guilt was eating her up, she was sure if he asked for only chocolate cake for dinner, she’d let him). “I’m so sorry, Evan.”

He stopped eating suddenly, a confused look on his face before she saw the realisation on his face and he frowned at her. Sometimes, it easy to forget just how young he was, especially when he spoke, “You don’t have to be sorry for anything, you’re my sister. You thought it was the right thing.” He shrugged, with simple childlike innocence she wished she could have held onto for longer than she had been able.

“It wasn’t the right thing though. I shouldn’t have scared you like that. I was just scared… when I walked in and… _he_ was with you.” God, she couldn’t even say his name, but she forced herself to look at her brother, “And he hit you. You were screaming at him to get off and I just… I jumped to conclusions…” Her eyes eagerly searched his face for a clue, but he was just staring at her with big eyes, “I shouldn’t have grabbed you like I did, I shouldn’t have forced you into the car and I definitely shouldn’t have scared you like that.”

The cake was long forgotten when he jumped down from the counter, “Can you ever forgive me, Evan?”

She was almost too scared to hear his answer, just in case it was one she wasn’t ready to hear. “Forgive you for what, Mads?” His innocent voice and his arms wrapped around her waist, causing the tears to fall. His squeeze tightened and it took everything within her not to flinch from his touch when she was reminded of her still healing ribs, her hands moving instead to wrap around him.

“I mean what I said though, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe.”

“Me too.”


End file.
